You know those moms that get pregnant, have a baby and then walk out of the hospital in the same pants that they got pregnant in? I am not one of those moms. Actually, I am the kind of mom that would have tripped that other type of mom as she left the hospital. Childish, I know. Well, as I am preparing to begin actively trying to lose weight from my last pregnancy, I thought I would take a walk down memory lane that I call my first battle of the bulge, aka Losing the Weight After Pregnancy round 1.
1. Pre-pregnancy weight: 130ish. Pregnancy weight upon delivering the Monkey Boy: 200ish. (I know, what the hell did I eat?!) Post partum weight one week after delivering the Monkey Boy: 170ish. Yep, those were my stats.
2. Side note: Some of you may be wondering how I gained so much weight. Well, it is not because I had a ginormous baby inside of me, and I actually didn’t have gestational diabetes. I gained all of this weight by being a complete freaking idiot! I ate everything. In fact, I actually consumed entire sheet cakes on several occasions. I just assumed that losing the baby weight would be like in the movies. Dumb ass.
3. After wearing pajamas, rags and my mom’s hand me downs, I finally decided to actively do something to lose this weight that wasn’t magically falling off by way of breastfeeding or prayer. I signed up for Weight Watchers online. Guess what? What happened to Jennifer Hudson did not happen to me. My size 14 was in no way getting any closer to my former size 4.
4. Side note: My pregnancy was the catalyst for my mother’s mid-life crisis, as I like to refer to it. She dropped her size 12 in exchange for my former size 4. You would think this would motivate me. Not so much. I remember her looking through my closet, which had become like a graveyard of my old clothes, and picking out items she wanted to try on and take with her. I can only equate how I felt to how a sheep must feel when he sees a woman running around in a pair of Uggs. Those were mine, witch!
4. My mother and I decide to join a gym and take up spinning. Why I, the girl who never worked out a day in her life, chose such a challenging exercise to begin my getting fit experience is still a question I have no answer for. The instructor told me on the first day of class to just coast through. I did, and thus sparked a short lived passion for spinning. It was short lived because I can only ride a bike in one place for so long without getting bored at the fact that I am not actually going anywhere. But I did stick with it long enough to buy spinning shoes. I will take up anything if there is chance to accessorize.
5. After my fling with spinning, I decided to try a personal trainer. I was so excited to have another person, aside from my skinny mother, give me tips on how to get back down to my former size. When we met for our consultation, I did a series of little exercises designed to show how fit and flexible I was so that the trainer could gauge me starting point. It would have been faster if she had just listened when I said, “I suck at everything and am about as flexible as a cowlick.” It was at my first actual training session that I realized that personalized training was not for me. I seem to have a fundamental problem with somebody telling me to do things that I really don’t want to do; especially while I pay them.
6. I decided that perhaps running was for me. Wait two seconds. Nope, running was not for me.
7. I have always been a firm believer that you can learn more outside of school than you can inside. I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show on the day that she had the authors of Skinny Bitch. I was intrigued and decided to buy the book. About 24 hours later after reading it, I decided to become a vegetarian. In addition to eating mostly veggies, I began buying only whole grains and steering clear of all fast food. . Slowly but surely, I started to see the weight fall by the way side.
8. While changing my diet was making an improvement in my weight, I am of the “instant gratification” generation and needed something more. On one of my trips to the gym, I had noticed a high energy dance class going on. I am what you would call a closet dancer. I decided to try it, and thus my love for Zumba was born.
9. Zumba gave me my hotness back. It didn’t matter that I was still carrying baby weight, in this dark room with crazy club lights and loud music, nobody cared what anybody else looked like. We were all too busy trying to keep up with supersonic booty bouncing instructor. Zumba is rumored to burn around 800 calories each 1 hour session, but I didn’t care about the calories. I just loved having fun and feeling sexy. Zumba was my drug, and I was a total junkie.
10. Doing Zumba, I got down to about a size 10. Then, I went back to work as a teacher’s aide and dropped down to a size 8 where I stayed and was happy. It took me 2 ½ years to get to a happy weight place. I wasn’t a 4, but that really didn’t matter as much. I had a happy family and felt good about myself. At the end of the day, that’s what everybody wants. And if you are wondering, my skinny mother did keep all my old clothes.
I am now about to embark on my second battle of the bulge. I am happy to say that this former burger lover only gained 40 pounds while being pregnant the second time around, and I am hoping that this will be a short lived battle.
P.S. If you are the type of mom that I would have tripped because you got back to your old size quickly after having your baby, don’t take it too personally. I am just insanely jealous of you, and quite frankly, allowing me to trip you would be the least you could.